Healing the midlife love crisis

The internet is peppered with the walking wounded. Adult dating sites abound and literally tens of thousands of people from all over the computerised world are looking for love. Naturally, there are relationship success stories with romantic happy endings. But the vast majority are frustrated individuals. Join these sites for a while, and you will see the same faces come round again and again. They are not ugly or evil people. They are ordinary people like you and me, and yet somehow love is just eluding them. Why? The answer is not obvious, but it is simple. In just about every generation up to about the 1950's, people got into relationships because it was inevitable. Sooner or later, procreation was going to take place, and pregnancy meant the mothers needed economic support which was, of course, provided by the fathers. Roles were clear, nature played a big part. Whether relationships were "happy" or the couple were "in love" were secondary considerations. The relationship itself was primary, and at all costs was made to survive until death did them part. Nowadays we have a completely different agenda. Relationships have to make us happy or we're out. The fact remains, though, that broken relationships lead to broken hearts, and broken hearts hurt. Pain leads to fear, and fear leads to either a total giving up, or an attempt to half commit ? with resulting unsatisfactory relationships all round. So whats the answer?... Firstly, improve your self-esteem, which means love yourself. If you can feel good about the person you're guaranteed to wake up with every day of your life, no one can hurt you, because that's your inner strength. Secondly, get clear, really clear, about what you want. Is it romance? Just sex? True love? Do you want to go dating, or just be a seduction artist? And then be honest about that. Do you really want to be with someone with young children? Do you mind if the lovely person you've just met has an almost zero libido? Or an insatiable sexual appetite? What this amounts to actually reduces to an amazing and simple formula for finding and keeping true love